"I asked God to let me see his presence in everything. So he gave me eyes." - David Bowden
it's funny how life works.
i have started journaling again. mostly just my prayers as a way to be more deliberate about prayer. writing keeps my mind focused and my hands busy. i was never a big journal-er when i was younger, mostly because i felt my life much too insignificant to document.
"dear diary, today i went to school. i think i love some boy. i got into an argument with my friends"
why would i want to go back and relive those days?
but now i feel that God has laid the pen upon my heart for other reasons.
one of my constant prayers is that each day God will provide me with someone whom i can serve. David Bowden's words "answered" my prayer. there are so many people who need a bit of light, you just have to look into the darkness to find them.
i've always been afraid of the dark.
but my God is the purest light that ever was, is, and is to come.
so into the dark i will go.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Jesus loves christians, but doesn't like them.
i am writing this as i listen to Francis Chan speak at Passion. his message is about reading the Word instead of merely listening to it from a teacher's filter.
i find this so convicting to me. sometimes i fall victim to not reading the Bible. i figure that i pray, and sometimes i see a Bible verse only, or i'll listen to some worship music and that it is enough.
it's not.
gut punch.
on days like that i would call myself a christian. i'm pseudo doing it. i'm thinking about doing it. my intentions are good.
but in that same moment that i am listening to a worship song, i may have a mean thought about someone somewhere. this is not Christ-like.
i am a sinner. i have been saved by grace. a suffocating amount of grace. so much grace that i should be trying to give it to other people because my spirit is so full that i cannot contain it all. and even if i tell a million people of God's grace, my spirit will still be overflowing. it's a terribly wonderful catch 22.
i think that there are already enough people like that in the world. people that just go with the motions, they merely receive God's grace instead of pouring it into others. i think that God has called me to be something bigger than that. i think God has called everyone who claims Him to be Lord in their heart to be something bigger than that.
in my mind, christians are too content with just being stagnant. they are the priests of Jesus' time. the ones who sat and refused to associate with those who were unworthy. those who were unlike them. people were either in or out.
christians are the ones holding signs that God hates Fags. they are the ones who are pounding the Bible over other's heads and yelling "you're gonna go to hell!" christians are the ones the world hates. they hate the world.
i don't think Jesus likes these people. He loves them, because that's what Jesus does.
i think that we are called to love others. i think we are to love the addicts, the orphans, the prostitutes, the atheists, the agnostics, the sinners, the HIV infected, the starving, the uneducated, the overly educated. we are called to love these people in radical, unworldly ways.
we are not called to judge, to criticize, to talk down upon, to argue with, to make fun of, to ignore, to scoff at. we are called to show people who Jesus truly is. to the core of His being. we should pour on them an unending amount of grace and love and care and to fulfill needs.
i'd like to think that if more people read who Jesus actually was, and was actually about, there would be more who followed Him. christians do a really lousy job at showing others who Christ is.
i do a lousy job at showing others who Christ is. but, tomorrow is a new morning, and my heart overflows with grace. thank you Jesus, for giving me infinite chances to show who you truly are.
i find this so convicting to me. sometimes i fall victim to not reading the Bible. i figure that i pray, and sometimes i see a Bible verse only, or i'll listen to some worship music and that it is enough.
it's not.
gut punch.
on days like that i would call myself a christian. i'm pseudo doing it. i'm thinking about doing it. my intentions are good.
but in that same moment that i am listening to a worship song, i may have a mean thought about someone somewhere. this is not Christ-like.
i am a sinner. i have been saved by grace. a suffocating amount of grace. so much grace that i should be trying to give it to other people because my spirit is so full that i cannot contain it all. and even if i tell a million people of God's grace, my spirit will still be overflowing. it's a terribly wonderful catch 22.
i think that there are already enough people like that in the world. people that just go with the motions, they merely receive God's grace instead of pouring it into others. i think that God has called me to be something bigger than that. i think God has called everyone who claims Him to be Lord in their heart to be something bigger than that.
in my mind, christians are too content with just being stagnant. they are the priests of Jesus' time. the ones who sat and refused to associate with those who were unworthy. those who were unlike them. people were either in or out.
christians are the ones holding signs that God hates Fags. they are the ones who are pounding the Bible over other's heads and yelling "you're gonna go to hell!" christians are the ones the world hates. they hate the world.
i don't think Jesus likes these people. He loves them, because that's what Jesus does.
i think that we are called to love others. i think we are to love the addicts, the orphans, the prostitutes, the atheists, the agnostics, the sinners, the HIV infected, the starving, the uneducated, the overly educated. we are called to love these people in radical, unworldly ways.
we are not called to judge, to criticize, to talk down upon, to argue with, to make fun of, to ignore, to scoff at. we are called to show people who Jesus truly is. to the core of His being. we should pour on them an unending amount of grace and love and care and to fulfill needs.
i'd like to think that if more people read who Jesus actually was, and was actually about, there would be more who followed Him. christians do a really lousy job at showing others who Christ is.
i do a lousy job at showing others who Christ is. but, tomorrow is a new morning, and my heart overflows with grace. thank you Jesus, for giving me infinite chances to show who you truly are.
Friday, December 30, 2011
What are you getting Jesus for Christmas?
the Avett Brothers is playing in the background as I recall this question.
while at a Christmas party, I was chatting with the mother of one of my girls, also a dear friend. she asked me this question. i was quite taken aback, not so much with the question, but because I was unsure of my answer. she said that it was my trip, but I guess i still wasn't happy with that answer. since my trip is for school, it's not completely altruistic. God has definitely called me to Haiti, but my reasons for going there for such an extended length of time are to get school credits. I will be earning something tangible, or pseudo-tangible. my transcript will reflect that I will have earned credits while in Haiti.
so my answer was that I will be helping support friends on their mission trips.
but really, what do you give Jesus that you shouldn't already be giving him? we are called to offer our lives as a living sacrifice (Romans 12:1). can we give anymore than that? probably [definitely] yes.
my mission is to give Jesus something more. and not just something more on His "birthday" something more everyday, because He gave His life for me. it's the least I can do.
while at a Christmas party, I was chatting with the mother of one of my girls, also a dear friend. she asked me this question. i was quite taken aback, not so much with the question, but because I was unsure of my answer. she said that it was my trip, but I guess i still wasn't happy with that answer. since my trip is for school, it's not completely altruistic. God has definitely called me to Haiti, but my reasons for going there for such an extended length of time are to get school credits. I will be earning something tangible, or pseudo-tangible. my transcript will reflect that I will have earned credits while in Haiti.
so my answer was that I will be helping support friends on their mission trips.
but really, what do you give Jesus that you shouldn't already be giving him? we are called to offer our lives as a living sacrifice (Romans 12:1). can we give anymore than that? probably [definitely] yes.
my mission is to give Jesus something more. and not just something more on His "birthday" something more everyday, because He gave His life for me. it's the least I can do.
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
fa la la la la
I cannot believe that Christmas has already come and gone. I feel like it surprised me with it's visit. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that Erie had it's first green Christmas that I can ever remember.
In other news I got my passport in the mail last week, and I also got my birth certificate back. I also had my appointment with the travel doctor and he gave me lots of antibiotics and anti malarial and a Typhoid vaccine. Now I just need to make an appointment with my family doctor to get a Hep A vaccine and I will be all set to go!
In stinking awesome news, Meg Chilcott will be flying down and staying with me for the first month of my trip. She is so cool and will be doing doctor duties at the Clinic while I will be in the classroom.
This is a super short post since I really don't have anything more to say. I have been starting on crafting projects for things to take with me like a cord/electronics organizer that is the size of a book and other handy things. Still debating on whether or not to buy an iPad to take with me. Any suggestions?
In other news I got my passport in the mail last week, and I also got my birth certificate back. I also had my appointment with the travel doctor and he gave me lots of antibiotics and anti malarial and a Typhoid vaccine. Now I just need to make an appointment with my family doctor to get a Hep A vaccine and I will be all set to go!
In stinking awesome news, Meg Chilcott will be flying down and staying with me for the first month of my trip. She is so cool and will be doing doctor duties at the Clinic while I will be in the classroom.
This is a super short post since I really don't have anything more to say. I have been starting on crafting projects for things to take with me like a cord/electronics organizer that is the size of a book and other handy things. Still debating on whether or not to buy an iPad to take with me. Any suggestions?
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Au Revoir, Scott..
Monday, my friend and fellow youth leader, Scott will be leaving for Port au Prince, Haiti. He will be there over Christmas. Please keep him in your prayers! Cause I'd be the only crazy college aged student with an extreme passion for Haiti if anything happened to him. =]
As for my trip, I had my meeting with Mr. Alan Karns, the professor who handles placements and PIPing/Student Teaching. He started a file for me, and has given me his blessing for the trip. He used to teach with Kate and told me a story about the two of them seeing Les Mis during a conference. I love how telling people about my trip takes down formality barriers. How many others can have common conversations about life like that when planning for their carrier? I also have an appointment with the travel doctor on Tuesday, I will hopefully just going over the vaccinations I need and how much they will cost. Later that afternoon I go for my follow up after getting my wisdom teeth out a month ago (WHAAT) Please pray for a situation with my Mercyhurst tuition, there has been a fluke and as of right now I owe the school $3,000. The fix is "simple," PHEAA needs more information from my parents so it is a matter of them collecting it and sending it in. Regardless I need it done soon so I can register for classes!
As for my trip, I had my meeting with Mr. Alan Karns, the professor who handles placements and PIPing/Student Teaching. He started a file for me, and has given me his blessing for the trip. He used to teach with Kate and told me a story about the two of them seeing Les Mis during a conference. I love how telling people about my trip takes down formality barriers. How many others can have common conversations about life like that when planning for their carrier? I also have an appointment with the travel doctor on Tuesday, I will hopefully just going over the vaccinations I need and how much they will cost. Later that afternoon I go for my follow up after getting my wisdom teeth out a month ago (WHAAT) Please pray for a situation with my Mercyhurst tuition, there has been a fluke and as of right now I owe the school $3,000. The fix is "simple," PHEAA needs more information from my parents so it is a matter of them collecting it and sending it in. Regardless I need it done soon so I can register for classes!
Friday, December 9, 2011
"Why in God's name would you go there..."
This post was titled by a nurse at my doctor's office. She called me today because my doctor wrote that I needed an appointment with Infectious Disease Control (the Travel Doctor) and she needed some more information from me. So I told her the reason why, and she replied, "I don't know why in God's name you'd want to go there." One statement was droppable, but she went on to say "I can tell you it's going to be hotter than hades." I decided not to snap and correct her, which I was on the verge of doing considering my past week. I knew that this nurse was picking up the work load of two people. I just remained as pleasant as I could because she was really helping me out.
This brings me to the fact that so many people don't understand why I'm going to Haiti. I could do my PIPing/Internship at any other school in the area, but I'm choosing Haiti. The real thing about it is that I don't really understand it either. For some reason, God has put the children and people of Haiti in my heart in a strong way. The past 6 years of my life, I have had a longing to go to this country, completely opposite of my world, and do whatever I can to help them. And still the reason I cling to that I am actually going is God, there is really no explanation because this trip has fallen so easily to me.
I'm not saying that to be a "Christian" you must go and serve in Haiti, or Africa, or the Dominican. I'm just saying that this is what God has given to me as His plan for my life. His plan is different for everyone. When you see a glimpse of it, cling to it.
The school that I will be teaching in is not much different from any school in the Erie Area. They may not have the most up to date or "practical" things that US classrooms have, but they have more than most other children in Haiti have, a safe, secure school where they are being taught by a (real) teacher. They have supplies, desks, a chalkboard.
I am so excited to get to teach these students in such a raw way. It will be so refreshing because I think sometimes kids minds get clutter from all the buzz that we have in the US. I mean right now I'm typing this, but I also have four other tabs open, iTunes playing, Twitter app open, and another window with a giveaway that I'd like to enter. That's all just on my computer, I also have my phone on, and I can hear the heat running. It's 8:28 in the morning on a Saturday, and that is all that is going on in JUST MY BEDROOM. It's quite crazy when you think about it. So that leads me to wonder, how are young students US classrooms feeling? My bet is that some of them are okay with it, some of them could have more buzz, and many, many need less. My prayer is that while I am in Haiti, I can learn how to cut out "buzz" in both my life, and in my future students' lives.
To end this post, I will post pictures of Kate and the school and some of her students.
This brings me to the fact that so many people don't understand why I'm going to Haiti. I could do my PIPing/Internship at any other school in the area, but I'm choosing Haiti. The real thing about it is that I don't really understand it either. For some reason, God has put the children and people of Haiti in my heart in a strong way. The past 6 years of my life, I have had a longing to go to this country, completely opposite of my world, and do whatever I can to help them. And still the reason I cling to that I am actually going is God, there is really no explanation because this trip has fallen so easily to me.
I'm not saying that to be a "Christian" you must go and serve in Haiti, or Africa, or the Dominican. I'm just saying that this is what God has given to me as His plan for my life. His plan is different for everyone. When you see a glimpse of it, cling to it.
The school that I will be teaching in is not much different from any school in the Erie Area. They may not have the most up to date or "practical" things that US classrooms have, but they have more than most other children in Haiti have, a safe, secure school where they are being taught by a (real) teacher. They have supplies, desks, a chalkboard.
I am so excited to get to teach these students in such a raw way. It will be so refreshing because I think sometimes kids minds get clutter from all the buzz that we have in the US. I mean right now I'm typing this, but I also have four other tabs open, iTunes playing, Twitter app open, and another window with a giveaway that I'd like to enter. That's all just on my computer, I also have my phone on, and I can hear the heat running. It's 8:28 in the morning on a Saturday, and that is all that is going on in JUST MY BEDROOM. It's quite crazy when you think about it. So that leads me to wonder, how are young students US classrooms feeling? My bet is that some of them are okay with it, some of them could have more buzz, and many, many need less. My prayer is that while I am in Haiti, I can learn how to cut out "buzz" in both my life, and in my future students' lives.
To end this post, I will post pictures of Kate and the school and some of her students.
Aren't they beautiful!
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Passport Progression.
Alliterations are wonderful, but that one isn't very good.
Today I finished applying for my passport because education majors minor in procrastination. One would think it would be an easy thing to do, but this is me we're talking about.
It started with how I still get 12th and 26th streets confused. Which is silly since I've lived in Erie my whole life, but anyways, I almost got to my appointment late. Passport 1 Katie 0.
I got there and sat down with the passport guy, honestly, if you need to get a passport go to the Presque Isle Post Office. The guy was Ron, he is in a wheel chair, and the nicest guy ever! I gave him my paper work and the first thing out of this mouth was "oh no, the back." I had gotten my passport application from the Study Abroad office at Mercyhurst, and they printed the application front and back. So right off the bat of the meeting I had to re-fill out all the paper work. Passport 2 Katie 0.
Ron continued to look over the rest of the information, birth certificate, social security card, etc. The second thing he said to me was "Who took your picture? It's all wrong! They won't accept this, we have to take a new one." Considering I had already paid $10 for the first picture from Walgreen's, and Ron had informed me over the phone that if I needed a picture taken it would cost an additional $15 (to the $135 just for getting a passport) I was quite frustrated. Passport 3 Katie 0.
Ron told me to take the photo back to Walgreen's and demand a refund because they did it wrong. He took a new, and much better picture, for me there. Then it came time to pay and we had already chit chatted about my trip, he told me that I didn't have to pay for the new picture since he really liked what I was doing. Passport 3 God 1 Katie 0.
I did end up getting my money back for the previously poorly taken passport photo. From there on out my day didn't go much smoother, lots of snags with financial aid because of PHEAA which I am about ready to scream about and have SFS's phone number memorized. BUT I got approved to work extra hours from my boss's boss, and my boss is totally cool with me picking up extra hours whenever I need to.
So, from here on out I will be busy and memorizing room numbers of the boys who sign girls in all the time.
Today I finished applying for my passport because education majors minor in procrastination. One would think it would be an easy thing to do, but this is me we're talking about.
It started with how I still get 12th and 26th streets confused. Which is silly since I've lived in Erie my whole life, but anyways, I almost got to my appointment late. Passport 1 Katie 0.
I got there and sat down with the passport guy, honestly, if you need to get a passport go to the Presque Isle Post Office. The guy was Ron, he is in a wheel chair, and the nicest guy ever! I gave him my paper work and the first thing out of this mouth was "oh no, the back." I had gotten my passport application from the Study Abroad office at Mercyhurst, and they printed the application front and back. So right off the bat of the meeting I had to re-fill out all the paper work. Passport 2 Katie 0.
Ron continued to look over the rest of the information, birth certificate, social security card, etc. The second thing he said to me was "Who took your picture? It's all wrong! They won't accept this, we have to take a new one." Considering I had already paid $10 for the first picture from Walgreen's, and Ron had informed me over the phone that if I needed a picture taken it would cost an additional $15 (to the $135 just for getting a passport) I was quite frustrated. Passport 3 Katie 0.
Ron told me to take the photo back to Walgreen's and demand a refund because they did it wrong. He took a new, and much better picture, for me there. Then it came time to pay and we had already chit chatted about my trip, he told me that I didn't have to pay for the new picture since he really liked what I was doing. Passport 3 God 1 Katie 0.
I did end up getting my money back for the previously poorly taken passport photo. From there on out my day didn't go much smoother, lots of snags with financial aid because of PHEAA which I am about ready to scream about and have SFS's phone number memorized. BUT I got approved to work extra hours from my boss's boss, and my boss is totally cool with me picking up extra hours whenever I need to.
So, from here on out I will be busy and memorizing room numbers of the boys who sign girls in all the time.
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